At this point, I believe a quick read is more fitting than a full podcast episode on this topic. If you haven't seen my video on Keke Palmer and her partner Darius, titled 'Chasing Bags, Not Commitment,' I encourage you to do so. I stand by everything I said during that timeframe, and will not be removing the video.
So, as more details emerge about this relationship, I find it crucial to revisit this topic as young women, underlining the importance of vetting partners. Many of us have unchecked emotional voids that, when met by certain individuals, lead us to cling to them desperately and blindly. I'm not making assumptions about Keke's relationship; I'm an outsider. However, Keke, with her youth, success, beauty, intelligence, and ambition, ended up with this guy.
Despite potential red flags, insecurities, and moments where he may have belittled her, the fact remains. We must recognize red flags, understand their implications, and act accordingly. We cannot mend those who are genuinely broken, utilizing us merely as tools for self-elevation, thereby contributing to the exacerbation of issues on both fronts.
Emphasizing the importance of time, especially in your twenties, means committing to vetting the right partners. I suggest 3-5 years of dating and getting to know them. For many, that might seem like a while, but for those who understand, it's about growth and expansion with that person. If you have a timeline for marriage, kids, and a house, you MUST factor in the time needed to vet the proper partner. Rushing relationships is no longer advisable. Two years of dating is no longer advisable. Babies without a real commitment is no longer advisable. Learn from the mistakes of others such as this and move accordingly. None of us are safe from situations like this if we are not smart and too caught up in the charm, fantasies, possibilities and sweet nothings.
You must spend a considerable amount of time with the person you want to commit your life and body to. Get to know everything you possibly can about them. Don't be afraid of patience in this process; it will reveal if you truly want them and if they truly want you, preventing absolute chaos down the line and even the creation of a broken home.
Women are good for misreading (or purposely ignore) situations to fill their emotional voids—loneliness, insecurity, a ticking biological clock, or simply desperation. But that is no excuse for giving people chances they have not earned. It's 2 strikes and you're out - if that. Ladies, do not ignore red flags from the start. Great men exist (idc what social media says), and you do not need to take shortcuts or compromise on anything. Release any negativity or fear so that a man doesn't manifest from the same fear and negativity mindset. This is called a lack-based or fear-based mindset. It occurs when you fear that what you want doesn't exist, leading you to compromise just to have something at all. We should always be in the mindset of abundance, knowing that what we want and truly desire can and will find its way to us. Period. Does that make sense?
Once again, on the outside looking in, I genuinely hope for the best for all parties involved. It's truly unfortunate that this has to be so public. I can only imagine what she is going through. Even worse is despite the restraining order, Keke is now stuck with a man who never had good intentions from the start—not because he didn't aspire to be a good man, but simply because he wasn't. You feel me?
Ladies, let this serve as a reminder: a man might give you a child merely for lifetime access to you, not out of love or a future with you.
Regardless of the outcome here, this is the situation he has succeeded in—nothing more.
Take note of my message today. Focus on becoming whole—mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Exposing too many emotional voids can open the door for opportunistic individuals to take advantage of you.
Exhibit A
